I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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