thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she told me i tasted like america
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
