Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
