The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
