I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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