I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
