You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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