I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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