Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
