Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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