I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
