I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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