Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
