I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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