How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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