I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
