the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
