he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
