yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
