dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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