Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
