I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
