I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you guys were way drunker than both of me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
