That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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