i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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