I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
