Duck Duck Cougar?
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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