You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize