you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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