no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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