I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
