does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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