Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
