Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
