i think my tv is drunk
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
