Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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