I cockslap morals
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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