She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
