the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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