I look better un-naked...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
