So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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