Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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