to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
