thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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