i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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