Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
