The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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