ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
