Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
