The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
