Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
