I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
