just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
