You smell like stripper and shame
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
