I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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