yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
