If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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