Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
