i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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