so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
