is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
