And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
